Darker Revisited
by jessalyn78
Summary: My idea of where Fifty Shades Darker could have picked up. It will be an enjoyable for those who like a jealous fifty ;). ON INDEFINITE HIATUS
1. Chapter 1

I lay in bed with my eyes closed, my head pounding, my stomach in knots. My mind goes back to the bath I took Christian back when I was still his… whatever I was.

"_I like you tied up in knots."_

"Well you'd love to see me know Grey" I groan internally. "I'm a total mess, and it's all your fault."

"_But is it really?"_ my subconscious snarls. "_You knew what you were getting yourself into."_

It's true, I knew, but I guess I didn't realize how much this would all hurt. I didn't realize how invested I'd get, how much I'd fall for him. I love him. I really do. I'm crazy, head over heels, totally gone in love with this man. This enigma of a man. This man who _wants_ to hurt me.

I can't do it though. I can't be what he needs. He was right. I'm a bad submissive, if that's even what I ever really was.

Damn it though, I miss him. I miss his smell, his touch. To think that I'll never be with him again, that I'll never make love to him again…

"_It's not going to happen, so you might as well get over it" _my subconscious chimes in once again.

I have no idea what time it is, so I turn to gaze at my alarm clock. 7:00. As I open my eyes, the light causes my head to pound even harder. What the hell happened last night? I look on the floor of my bedroom and see an _empty_ bottle of wine. I don't even remember buying wine. Man, I must have gotten wasted.

I should get up, there are things I need to do today. I should find a job, and get set up in my new apartment. But, Holy Crap am I hung over.

I take a deep breath as I struggle to sit up, but feel an arm reach out to pull me back.

What the hell!? Someone's in my bed. Oh fuck, did I… Did I take Christian back? Is that where the wine came from? Did he talk his way back into bed with me? Oh no, this doesn't change anything. Things are the same between us. Nothing's changed. He still wants a sub, and I'm still not willing to do that.

I struggle out of his arms.

"Where are you going gorgeous?" a familiar voice replies huskily.

His voice is familiar, but it isn't Christian's. Oh my God, what have I done?

"Paul?" I gape horrified.

"Hey" he says as he runs his finger down my arm.

"What- What happened?" I ask shakily.

"You don't remember?" he asks, a wide grin spreading across his face.

I shake my head.

"Well you were pretty plastered" he laughs.

"We got drunk together?" I ask skeptically.

"Yeah" he answers. "But, I mean, you were already drunk when I got here."

"Really?" I cringe.

"Yeah, you drunk dialed me."

My mind instantly goes back to the last time I drunk dialed someone- Christian. God, why couldn't it have been Christian I called this time. Why did it have to be- Oh God, what have I done? No more alcohol for me…ever.

"Paul, I am so sorry" I mutter as I scramble to find my clothes.

"Sorry for what?" he laughs.

"I didn't mean to- I don't."

"Oh Ana, it's cool" he shrugs. "I didn't like think you were in love with me or anything."

My subconscious has her arms folded and is shaking her head at me. "_Sleeping with yet another man that doesn't love you, you're on a roll Steele."_

"Yeah, well I don't really have a lot here for breakfast" I say nervously as I throw a robe on, trying to give him the hint that I want him to leave.

"I'm not hungry" he replies grinning widely. Oh God, he doesn't think we're going to do it again, does he?

"Well, I have a lot to do today so…"

"You want me to go?" he asks sounding dejected.

I nod as I stare at the floor. "I'm sorry."

"No, it's fine" he says nonchalantly.

He gets out of bed and stands to his feet as he collects his clothes, and Holy crap! He's naked. Of course he'd be naked, he's naked because we had sex. This is so surreal.

"I had fun" he says as he kisses the top of my head. "Feel better."

"Thanks" I say softly as he walks out.

I take a deep breath and sit on the edge of my bed. What have I done, and why? Why the hell would I call Paul of all people for emotional support. This whole thing just makes no sense. I hardly even recognize myself anymore. This isn't me. I don't do this. I don't get wasted and sleep around. I'm more responsible than that. What has Christian done to me?

"_Don't blame him!"_ my subconscious snaps. "_This one's all on you."_

I pick up the bottle of wine and stare at it. There is a little bit left. Maybe a little hair of the dog that bit me would help. As I take a swig but am interrupted when the doorbell rings. I look myself over in the mirror and sigh. I really hope it isn't someone I know at the door my hair's a mess, my makeups smeared, I'm wearing a raggedy old bathrobe. The least I can do is put the bottle of wine down so I don't make it entirely obvious that I'm hung-over.

"Who is it?" I ask hoarsely as I walk to the door. There's no answer. "Hello?" I repeat. "Who's there?"

I fling the door open and my jaw drops when I see who's standing there.

"Christian?" I ask as I rub my eyes.

"What the hell Anastasia?" he yells, and he sounds so furious.

"Please" I beg as my head responds with a resounding pound. "Please don't scream."

"You slept with that fucker from the hardware store?"

"How do you know that?" I gasp.

"That doesn't matter" he says as he runs his hands through his hair. "You are _mine_" he says in a lower voice, his eyes darkening.

"Not anymore" I mutter.

"Why?" he asks as his voice breaks.

"Why what?"

"Why did you do this!? You never did this before you met me, now we're apart for five days and you… Why!? We're you trying to make me jealous!?"

"No" I reply angrily as I cross my hands over my chest.

"Then why?" he hisses.

"I don't really remember" I mutter as I stare at the floor.

"What?" he asks through gritted teeth.

"I don't remember it Christian! I don't remember any of it I was wasted."

"So he got you drunk?" he asks rubbing his forehead.

"No, apparently I did that on my own, and then drunk dialed him" I explain ashamed.

"So he took advantage of you?" he asks his eyes darkening further.

"No" I argue. "No, Paul wouldn't have done that. That isn't what happened."

"From what you just told me it sounds like that's exactly what happened!" he yells. "Son of a bitch! How'd I let this happen."

"You didn't _let_ anything happen, for God's sakes we aren't even together!"

He stares at me sadly for a moment and then storms out the door.

"Where are you going?" I call out.

"I'm going to find _him_" he spits back angrily.

Oh shit. "Christian" I call out as I run after him, but it's too late, he's already out of site.

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	2. Chapter 2

Oh my God, what is Christian going to do!? I honestly have no idea. I dial his cell as fast as I can.

_Please pick up, please pick up!_

"What!?" he barks on the other line.

"Christian?" I ask sheepishly.

"Yes Anastasia, it's Christian. You called me." Right, God why am I _so_ nervous. We aren't together. Why do I care what he thinks? "What do you want?"

"Where are you going?"

"You know where I'm going" he seethes.

"Please don't. Christian, Paul didn't do anything wrong."

"He took advantage of you Anastasia."

"He was drunk too" I plead in his defense. Although, he did admit that I was already drunk when he got there. Maybe… No, Paul wouldn't have taken advantage of me. There must be some explanation.

"I already told you Anastasia, I don't like sharing what's mine."

His possessiveness is admittedly endearing on some odd level, but we _aren't_ together. Why is he acting this way?

"And I told you that I wasn't yours. Not anymore. Christian, we aren't together."

"And whose fault is that?" he responds coldly.

"_You_ hit _me_" I yell exasperated.

"With your consent! How was I supposed to know that you had an issue with it? Why didn't use the fucking safe word Ana?!"

Safe word? Oh shit, I forgot all about…

"I told you that for this to work you needed to be _honest_ with me. Do you think I would have beaten you with that belt if I knew you didn't want it? Do you think I would hurt you against your will?"

"Honestly Christian, it's the fact that you wanted to hurt me in the first place that bothers me" I say as I stare at the floor nervously.

"Isn't that what you're doing to me right now?" he says in a whisper. "You had to know what this would do to me Ana."

"It shouldn't do anything to you. Christian, we're done. I don't know why that's so hard for you to get past, you've been with plenty of women, I'm just another notch on the bedpost. It was never going to work with us. I'm not a submissive. There are plenty of women out there who can give you what you want… I'm not one of them."

"You don't get it" he says after a long pause. "You don't get what you mean to me; you don't get what this is doing to me."

"What?" I ask softly.

"The thought of that sick bastard putting his hands on you, touching you, kissing you… It's killing me Ana."

"So you still have feelings for me?" I ask speculatively as I try to piece together what this all means.

"Damn it Ana, don't play dumb. You know exactly what you are doing, don't you? You're fucking with me on purpose."

"No" I protest. "No, Christian I didn't do any of this on purpose. Just please calm down…"

"Calm down!? You left me and then you fucked another man!"

"I didn't mean to" I say as my voice starts to break. "It's not like I planned any of this Christian… it just happened!"

"Do you have any idea how crazy you drive me Ana? You make me so mad. I don't think I've ever been this mad in my life!"

His words cut deep for some reason. The sane part of my brain is reminding me that he has no reason to be mad, but the part of me that's in love with him feels so… guilty.

"I didn't mean to hurt you" I mutter apologetically.

"Well you did" he bites back harshly.

"You hurt me too!" I yell in a moment of heightened courage. In this moment, I'm glad Christian isn't in front of me right now. It would give away how terrified I am, and I know the look that he'd undoubtedly be giving me would only make it worse. "Just please don't hurt Paul" I beg. "Don't get yourself in trouble."

"I'm not going to get myself in trouble" he says snidely. "Don't worry about that Ana."

"What are you going to do?" I ask as I swallow nervously.

"I'm going to show him what Christian Grey does when someone takes what is his."

"Christian-"

"Good bye Anastasia" he says coldly.

"What's his?" But, I'm not his. Not anymore anyway. Is he like this with all his ex-subs? Why is he acting like I'm something special to him.

"Because you are!" my subconscious screams. "He loves you."

"No" I say out loud interrupting my own thoughts. "No he doesn't. Christian doesn't love me, he's made that clear. He can't love. He's fifty shades of fucked up after all."

"Oh Paul" I sigh as I stare at my cell phone. "You have no idea what you're in for."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Paul?" I ask urgently when he finally picks up his cell.

"Hey, Ana!" he says excitedly. "How are you?"

"I'm… fine" I lie. "Where are you?"

"Clayton's" he replies nonchalantly. "But, I mean- I'm not doing anything too important if you want to meet up or something.

Dear God, he thinks this is a booty call. Why would he think that?

"Why wouldn't he after last night" my subconscious answers.

"Paul, you need to be careful."

"Careful of what?"

"Christian's after you. I don't know what he's going to do, but he somehow found out about last night and he's pissed."

"I think I can handle it" he laughs. "He might be a billionaire, but I'm pretty sure I can take him in a fistfight."

"I'm not sure if that's what he's going to do to you…"

"Ana, could you hold on a second, there's someone on the other line. I will call you right back, I promise."

"But Paul-" he hangs up before I can finish my sentence. Damn it Paul, this is serious! He is starting to really piss me off. I'm still not sure how I feel about what went down last night, and now he's acting patronizing and ignoring me.

"Ana?" he asks shakily as he switches back over.

"What's wrong?" I ask urgently. "Are you okay?"

"No" he sighs. "No, not at all. That was the bank, they're foreclosing on Clayton's."

"What?" I gasp.

"I don't understand, we're only like a week behind on the payment. We've been later than that before… much later."

"I'm so sorry" I say guiltily as I piece together what must have happened.

"I was betting everything on inheriting this business, without it… I have no idea what I'm going to do."

"I can try to help you figure something out" I offer.

"You're sweet" he sighs. "I just- I just don't have any idea how this could have happened."

"I have some idea" I reply as I roll my eyes. Christian Grey. Billionaire CEO with power, and influence, and money. Christian Grey jealous Dominant who just found out that someone, in his words, "took what was his." Christian Grey who longs for control, and power , and revenge. He did this. And I've never been more pissed off in my life.

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	3. Chapter 3

"Paul" I say as I struggle to steady my breathing. "Can I call you back?"

"Of course" he replies as he clears his throat. "I'll talk to you later Ana."

I have to restrain myself from throwing my phone across the room as I hang up. I am _so _angry. What the hell was Christian thinking? He had no right to do this. This didn't just affect Paul. A lot of people I care about work at the store. If it weren't for Paul's father hiring me there I never would have been able to support myself through college. I try to steady my fingers as I dial Christian's number.

"Anastasia" he replies coldly.

"What the fuck Christian!?" I yell.

"I see you've spoken with your new boyfriend."

"He's not my…. What the hell is wrong with you?"

"What are you referring to?" he asks feigning innocence.

"I'm referring to the way you just ruined Paul's life!"

"He deserves it" Christian sneers through gritted teeth. "I'd like to kill the son of a bitch!"

"Christian-"

"And quite frankly Anastasia, what I'd really like to do is spank the living shit out of you and then fuck your brains out until you forget all about that bastard ever having touched you!"

Oh my, did he really just say that? I am so pissed at him. Pissed that he did this, pissed that he's trying to seduce his way out of this, pissed that it's working. I've forgotten how erotic Christian's bluntness is… But, no! I'm still _really_ pissed at him, and we are still _not_ getting back together.

"Maybe you should discuss these feelings with Flynn" I bite back harshly.

"Oh, I have. Trust me I have Anastasia."

"Good" I sigh. "What'd did you do anyway?" I ask as my curiosity takes over. "Bribe the bank?"

"That doesn't matter" he answers quickly. "Where are you?"

"Why do you want to know?" I ask suspiciously.

"Because I want to see you Anastasia" he answers sensuously.

Is he serious? He thinks I'm going to have sex with him after what he did to Paul and his father.

"Why, so you can spank the living shit out of me and then fuck my brains out?"

"I'll be at your apartment in ten minutes" he says through gritted teeth. "And, if there's another man in your apartment when I get there Anastasia, I will do a hell of a lot more than take his job away from him, that's a promise."

I sit on the couch and try to catch my breath. Christian is coming. So many thoughts are running through my mind. I am so angry at him, and admittedly a little frightened. He's angry too, and I know from experience exactly what he is capable of.

However, my inner goddess is frankly a little excited about what he is going to do me… if I let him. Images run through my mind of his playroom, of the riding crop, of him….

_"What are you doing?"_ my subconscious snaps. _"You don't want to be with this man. You aren't interested in the kind of life he lives."_

I can't sleep with him, nothing has changed. I can't be with him. The thought makes me feel so… devastated. I don't know how this man has gotten under my skin so badly. I don't know how he's managed to make me fall so hard for him, but he has. He challenges me. He infuriates me. And damn it, I don't want it to stop.

But if our situation wasn't complicated enough already, now Paul has been thrown into mix.

_"Because you've thrown him into the mix!"_ my subconscious snaps. _"This is all your fault!"_

I think of Christian's face when he found out about what happened with Paul, I think of Paul's voice when he found about Clayton's. "Damn it!" I yell as I throw my cell phone and watch it shatter against the wall.

"You shouldn't throw things Anastasia" I hear Christian's voice sneer from across the apartment. "It's childish."

Christian has let himself into my apartment, maybe this should surprise me, but it doesn't.

I angrily stand to my feet and walk over to him. "And what you did to Paul_ isn't_ childish?"

"Was it anything like what we had?" he asks as he inches closer to me.

I remain silent and try to keep a straight face as desire runs through my veins.

"It wasn't, was it?" he asks slowly.

"I don't know" I reply sounding much more breathy than I intended to. "I already told you Christian, I don't remember what happened with Paul."

"But you remember me, don't you baby?" he breathes into my neck.

"I remember _everything_" I answer coyly. "Is this where you beg for me to take you back?"

"No Ana, I'm not going to beg. I'm going to make you beg."

Make me beg? I want to be mad at how bold he is, but I'm not. I like it. I like it a lot.

"Oh?" I ask arching a brow.

"You're so focused on the pain, you're forgetting about the pleasurable side of my lifestyle. Come with me."

"Where?" I ask breathily.

"My playroom."

He wants me to go with him, if I do this I'll be taking him back, I'll be agreeing to this life. This dark, dark life with him that I'm just not sure I can handle. I don't want to be his submissive, but… I don't want to be without him either.

"No" I say weakly as I avoid eye contact with him.

"You want to say, yes don't you baby?" he asks temptingly.

"No" I say as I start to walk away.

"Damn it Ana!" he yells as he grabs my wrist. "What the hell are you trying to do to me?"

"I'm not trying to do anything" I say softly.

"Come with me" he begs. "Please."

"I don't want you to hurt me" I say weakly.

"I won't" he answers defensively. "We aren't going to do anything you don't want to do."

I pause as a flashback from last night plays through my mind.

_"I'm not sure if I want this" I say weakly as I try to wiggle away from Paul._

_"It's okay" he slurs. "I won't hurt you."_

_"But… no" I sigh as my vision starts to blur. Shit, what is happening to me?_

"Oh my God" I say softly as my hand flies to cover my mouth.

"What is it?" Christian asks as he gazes into my eyes.

"I… I think I remember something."

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	4. Chapter 4

"What is it?" Christian asks; his tone changed significantly, his eyes blazing with concern.

"Nothing" I mutter as I search my mind for more. I can't believe what I'm remembering. What the hell? I said no. I said _no_. But… Paul wouldn't have- Paul couldn't have-. Oh my God I'm so confused. I fight the overwhelming urge to cry.

"You said you remembered something" he says as he places his hand on my shoulder.

"Yeah- um, I did… I remembered that I have an appointment" I lie, as I slink away from him.

"An appointment?"

"Yes, a doctor's appointment in like a half hour, I should get ready…"

"I can take you" he offers as he continues to look at me skeptically.

"That won't be necessary" I respond coldly. "It will be boring." I desperately want him to leave; I don't want to let what I'm remembering slip, not until I'm sure what it all means. Right now what I'm remembering looks bad, and if Christian knew, I don't even know what he'd do to Paul.

"Where's the office?"

"What?"

"The office… your doctor's office."

"Right" I reply scattered. "My doctor's office. It's um, on Fifth Ave."

"I'll be passing by there…"

"Christian, I can handle it!" I snap. "Could you please just give me some space."

"Space?" he asks dejected. "You want _space_ from me?"

"Yes!" I yell a tears form in my eyes. "I need a minute to figure out what all of this means!"

"All of what, Ana?" he asks desperately.

"I- I can't go with you. Not now. I'm sorry" I say as I struggle to pull myself together. The Red Room of Pain is the last thing I need right now. And Christian…. Dealing with this, while I'm with him only reminds me of what I can never have with him. This is never going to be a normal relationship where I can tell him everything and he can comfort him while I'm upset. He's a Dom, and he wants me to be a Sub, and I can't do that.

"You were fine a moment ago" he says worriedly. "Then you said you remembered something…"

Shit, he's putting it together. What do I say?

"Remembering the doctor's appointment snapped me back to reality" I lie. "It reminded me of what we you can never give me, and what I can never give you. I just need some time to think."

"Alright" he sighs. "I'll go, but I'll be back Ana. I have no intentions of letting you go this easily."

His words are comforting in an odd way. Part of me wants him to let me go, it'd make all of this a hell of a lot easier, but another part of me wants him….badly. And I think that dark, dark part of me might even be willing to be his submissive.

But at the moment, all I really want is to remember what happened with Paul. It is so frustrating having a memory just out of reach. I sit on the couch and try hard to clear my mind completely, and slowly more and more comes back to me.

_"Christian Grey is an idiot" he drunkenly laughs. "If I had you… God, I'd never let you go."_

_"I don't want to talk about Christian" I sigh as I pour myself yet another glass of wine._

_"I think you've had enough Steele" he teases as he quickly snatches the glass away from me. Wine splatters all over me, and all over my couch._

_"Hey!" I snap, trying to sound angry, but my mood soon changes to playful. "Give that back" I sequel as I lean over to grab it from him. As I gaze up at him our eyes meet._

_"Make me" he challenges as he begins to kiss me. He soon moves over and lays me on the couch, hovering over me. He begins to kiss me again this time more urgently and it suddenly occurs to me what he's after._

_"I'm not sure if I want this" I say weakly as I try to wiggle away from him._

_"It's okay" he slurs. "I won't hurt you."_

_"But… no" I sigh as my vision starts to blur, and I feel dizzy. So dizzy._

_"Paul- please."_

_"It's okay baby" he breathes as I feel him tug at my panties._

_"Paul, no!" I say adamantly._

_"Do you have any idea how long I've dreamed of doing this" he moans._

_I try to fight him off, I try to remember what Ray taught me to do in a situation like this, but in my drunken state I feel so weak._

_"Just give into it Ana" he says slowly. _

_"No" I protest as I push my hand against his chest roughly._

_"Come on" he laughs. He's laughing. He's actually laughing. I am so angry._

_"No" I yell as I struggle to kick him, but he's got me pinned. "You… you bastard."_

I shift uncomfortably and wrap my arms against my body as I try to fight the flashback. I remember now. How did I forget? How did I forget that this happened? It was so important and I just let it slip right out of my mind. My God, I apologized to him. This whole time I've felt so guilty when I'm the one who was…

I hear a banging at the front door and my heart stops. Is it him? If it is… I don't know what I'll do. Part of me is afraid of him, but another part of me wants to kill him.

I open the door, but it isn't Paul, it's Christian and he looks upset.

"Ana" he says worriedly. "There wasn't any doctor's appointment was there?"

"No Christian, there wasn't" I answer honestly as I take a sharp intake of breath and tears form in my eyes.

"Talk to me" he begs.

I nod solemnly as I open the door. I need to talk to someone about this and honestly, for some strange reason talking to Christian feels right.

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	5. Chapter 5

"You have me worried Anastasia" he says as he sits on my couch. "You're acting strange, and you lied to me."

"I'm sorry" I mutter as I look around nervously.

"Would you like to sit down?" he asks staring at the spot next to him on the couch.

"No" I answer quickly. "No, not there. Not on that couch."

He gives me a perplexed look before clearing his throat. "I wish you'd tell me what is going on with you. I still care for you. And though I'm still livid, I'd like us to move past all this…nonsense with Paul."

I scoff at his words as the memories begin to play through my mind again like a bad dream.

"What's wrong, Ana?" he asks urgently. "You're scaring the shit out of me."

"I'm sorry" I say as I try to choke back tears.

"Don't be sorry, just- talk to me."

I stand silent for a moment and he walks over to me and cradles my face in his hands. "It's been… difficult since you've left. It's made me realize that- I'd be willing to make some compromises if it means having you in my life."

Oh God, this is what I've really wanted all this time, deep down inside. Him. He's willing to make some compromises, I could do that too. We could make it work. We could… if he still wants me. I'm not sure he will when I tell him the truth.

"What kind of compromises?" I ask quickly, trying to change the subject in my mind to avoid bursting into tears.

"Whatever it takes for you to come back to me" he says as he runs his hand through his hair and shrugs nervously at me. "I've been a wreck without you Ana."

I slink away from him as a small sob escapes.

"Ana" he says softly as he rests his hand on my shoulder. I instantly jerk away from his touch, and when I gaze up at him he looks wounded.

He nods and begins to walk towards the door. This is it. He's leaving. He's just offered me everything I've ever wanted and as far as he's concerned I've turned him down, and now he's leaving.

"Wait!" I call out desperately.

He quickly walks back over to me and looks at me expectantly.

"It's not you" I say softly.

"Damn it Ana!" he shouts. "Are you really going to give me an 'it's not you, it's me' speech right now?"

"No" I reply shakily. "That isn't what I was going to say Christian."

"Then what?" he asks desperately. "What can I say to get you to come back with me?"

"It isn't you" I repeat. "You were right before, something is upsetting me, and it isn't you."

"Then what?" he asks desperately.

I shake my head and gaze down, but he tilts my chin upward so that I'm staring at him. He looks right into my eyes and I feel completely vulnerable to him.

I want to tell him. I want to tell him, and I want him to tell me that it will all be okay, that he loves me. But I know that isn't what will happen. I don't know what will happen, but it won't be that. This is going to hurt him, and I don't want to hurt him.

"It's nothing" I say as I try to slink away from him. "Ana" he says desperately as he pulls me back towards him, and holds me tight. It reminds me of Paul… being helpless… wanting to get away and not being able to.

"Don't" I shout as I push him away.

He looks hurt again, but his expression soon changes to something different. He's searching his mind for something.

"What did you remember Ana?" he asks coldly.

"What?" I ask as I struggle to pull myself together.

"Before- this all started when you said you remembered something. It obviously wasn't a doctor's appointment. What was it?"

I'm not sure if I can lie to him again. I need to sort all of this out. I need to talk to someone. I feel like a mess, I'm not even sure what I'm doing. Before I've really thought it through I let a word escape from my lips.

"Paul" I say shakily.

He closes his eyes tightly as if he's in anguish. "What about him?" he asks as tears pool in his eyes.

I pull my sweater closer to my body and look down.

"Shit" he mutters. "I was afraid of this. He did take advantage of you. He got you drunk…"

"He raped me" I interrupt, surprised by the words as I say them. I still haven't admitted it to myself yet.

"What?" he gasps as his eyes widen in horror.

"I said no" I explain as my sobs return. "I said no, and he still-"

"Oh God" he gasps. "No. No, Ana, no!" tears begin to fall from his eyes as well, and I have to fight the urge to brush them away. If I touched him right now I'd be a hypocrite, because I don't want him to touch me. I don't want him or anyone else to touch me ever again.

"This is all my fault" he says through gritted teeth.

"What? Christian, how is this your fault?"

"I should have protected you, I should have… And you-"

"You're mad at me?" I ask in a small voice.

"If you hadn't left, I could have stopped this. I wouldn't have let him-" he stands to his feet and begins to pace nervously.

"But, you didn't deserve this" he adds nervously. "I don't want you thinking that."

"I don't know what I think yet" I say coldly. "I still really haven't had time to… process. I'm not sure what happens now."

He gazes at me sympathetically as if he's searching his mind for something to say.

"I'm sorry" he finally cries as he wraps me in a hug. "Oh God, Ana I'm so sorry."

"I'm going to take a shower" I interrupt as I step away from him.

"Can I come with you?" he asks desperately.

Come with me? Is he serious? Does he really think I'm ready for that yet?

"I'd like some privacy" I reply softly.

He nods and begins to stare at the floor again.

"But- I'd like you to stay" I add. "I'd like to talk more afterword's."

"Of course" he says with a forced smile. "I'll be right here Ana."

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I step out into the living room and I hear Christian on the phone yelling, loudly.

"I don't care, just get it done. Yes, by the end of the day. He doesn't get to sleep comfortably in his own bed, not when Ana…" he stops and takes a deep breath as he begins to pace nervously again. "I care about her deeply, and he hurt her badly. So I don't care how you get it done, just get it done!"

Oh shit, what has he done?

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